[Intro]

[Verse]

Woke up this morning, my hair looked like a crime scene,

Stuck up like a porcupine that drank too much caffeine.

Rushed to the barber, said “Fix this mess, I’m beggin’!”

He grinned real wide and said, “Son, you’ve come to the right Flobie legend!”

Clippers buzzin’ like a swarm of angry bees,

Scissors snippin’ to the rhythm of my knees.

He’s twistin’ and a-turnin’, got gel in every direction,

Now I look like a poodle that joined a rock ‘n’ roll convention!

Chorus

Flobie, Flobie, haircutting supreme!

Flobie, Flobie, livin’ the dream!

One snip, two snip, three snip, four,

You’ll walk out lookin’ like you won the follicle war!

Flobie Number One’s a basic buzz,

Flobie Number Two’s got that business fuzz,

But when you want that magic touch,

Call for Flobie Number Three – it’s just too much!

Verse 2

Flobie Number Three’s a legend in the chair,

Turns bedhead disasters into million-dollar hair.

One guy came in with a mullet from 1986,

Left lookin’ like a supermodel doing backflips.

He’ll give you layers like a fancy onion dip,

Volume so high you’ll need a spaceship.

Sideburns shaped like lightning bolts,

Top so fluffy you could hide remote controls!

Your ex won’t recognize you, your dog’ll start to bark,

You’ll slip on all the hair that’s lyin’ on the floor – whoops, that’s just a lark!

Bridge

(half-spoken, speeding up like Al does)

He’s got combs in his pocket, spray in his boot,

Mousses and waxes – man, the man’s a hoot!

You ask for a trim, he gives you a symphony,

Now your hair’s doin’ the Flobie boogie-woogie!

Bald spot? Covered! Cowlick? Tamed!

Static electricity? Completely maimed!

You’ll strut down the street feelin’ ten feet tall,

‘Til the wind hits you and it all goes… whoosh…

Final Chorus (big, ridiculous finish)

Flobie, Flobie, haircutting king!

Flobie, Flobie, make my follicles sing!

One, two, three – the holy trinity,

But Flobie Number Three is pure divinity!

So grab your comb, your brush, your dignity,

And get yourself a Flobie – it’s the haircut spree!

Flobie Number Three – yeah, that’s the one for me!